The Australian Association of Writing Programs

But I have another explanation as to why I feel so compelled to answer honestly about  my PhD progress or lack thereof. Given that we are feeling insecure at times throughtout the candidature (in my case questioning my intellectual capacity, or acdemic rigour in my writing, and at times querying whether my praxis is up to Industry standard) we become self-critical and waiting for any apparently revelation of self-perceived incompetence.

I thinkthe foundation for this crisis of conbfidence has arisen because I have been engaging in the debates surrounding the PhD by Artefact and Exegesis, with particular emphasis on quality/academic rigour argument:

1.Why is praxis still viewed with so much suspicion by current academic/pratitioners who probably qualified under more traditional PhD models?

2.Is tis scepticism a form of academic gatekeeping, and attempts to keep the reactionary and new at bay?

3. Is it a distrust of the questioners own Industry praxis or fear of being seen wanting in this area that ellicits this response to the question?

With this critical discourse permeating many academic journal articles on practice-led research, is it any wonder, as students, our first rection is one of defence?

I would love to think that the time has come when defending our praxis and the Artefact model is over; that the debate has been won. Only then can students feel free to celebrate the minor markers along the journey.

This is weird, Janene. A couple of days before you posted this comment, I had written the following in my diary.

" Friends keep asking me ‘How is the biography/PhD going?’ What they really mean is ‘Have you finished the bloody thing yet?’ And the stupid thing is that I can’t lie. I can’t just fob them off with ‘It’s going well, thanks.’I say things like ‘Well…I have decided to write the exegesis before the biography.’ Now they think I have really lost it. This exa –jesus thing. Does that mean that I have joined some fundamentalist sect like the one at Samford that they learned all about on Four Corners last week?

What I fail to appreciate is that they are not overseeing my project, they are just being polite. Their thought processes have gone like this ‘There’s Susan. What is she doing these days? That’s right, she’s left her job to write. Isn’t she writing about someone’s life? Hopefully she will give me a clue and I won’t feel so bad.’ When will I learn to distinguish between politeness and interrogation? And in ay event, why am I so keen to provide evidence to establish my guilt?"

I agree with what Coralie and Gay have said about our johnny-come-lately status within the university sector and its impacts, but, for me anyhow, the issue is more fundamental. I haven't got anything for Show and Tell. And yet I do, as Janene points out. I have conference papers and articles in journals. I think I need to do some positive affirmations such as "I am working on my PhD" and "Reading is working" and buy a "NOT GUILTY" brooch.

Dear Susan,

I think PhD students responding awkwardly (and guiltily) to what is really an innocuous inquiry is a common sydrome. I observed it happening with a few friends who did PhDs before I signed up to do one, and I remember wondering then why showing a polite interest seemed to upset them so much. But its strange that we were both pondering this issue at the same time and came to the same conclusion!

Hey - and well done on your publications!

I just had a very unfortuante wrap up to two of the most generative and intellectually stimulation series of Colloquia from my fellow PhD students, however after I presented first, the chair, a young male academic asked me why I had chosen Feminist postmodernism and wa privileging women. I though this was an innocuous 'devils' advocate'thing, just to get the things moving. After watching him for two days, he sniggered like a naughty school boy to two very 'feminine' younger women junior staff every time the dreaded F word was spoken as theorteical frame, even if it was with regard to deconstuctionism, and the French school of feminist literary analysis.

We closed with a guest speaker and plenary session tha reflected on the PhD by artefact end exegesis within the academy, and the specialised location we sit as creative artists, doing our philosophising and self-reflection within the academic framework, and how these multiple identity positions and selves are fraught and in tension. Just to demonatrate his total understanding of artist in the academy and inculcations of selfhood tied up as PhD students and artists, and add to this primarily women, his closing question directly posed the question.... why did the bulk of the papers talk about feminism.... was there nothing else?

So how about that, not even politeness or social habit, a blatant backlash attack from our new Head of Discipline that totally ruined the ambience and colleagiality of the whole two days.

Thus I feel it is more than a simple sense of the need to defend the Doctorate, and/or the Aftefact, but a need to defend intellectualy and academically the validity of a major theoretical discourse from the last 30 years. Which in turn points to the misconception of what an artist actually does and how creativity is intrinsically linked to sense of self, self worth and identity. These are the things we feel are under threat when we are questioned about our careers, not simply over-reactions. I have come away determined to find a way to conceptualise this and articulate it in my paper fro the upcoming AAWP Conference, even if it is in the non-refereed stream.

Coralie, it is so dispiriting to hear your story of the colloquia. One of the reasons I left my job as a legal academic was tiring of the constant battle to get feminist issues treated seriously. I remember from that time a research project which found that female academics across the disciplines tended to view themselves as imposters. Perhaps this is because they internalise the disrespect.

I try to deal with the situation with humour but your comments have made me reflect on that practice. Maybe it is just another form of internalising the disrespect.

I think it is great that you are going to write about the subject for AAWP. I look forward to hearing what you have to say.

warm regards Susan

Glenice

I'm just starting my PhD and find that I cannot talk about it to many of my old friends. My family are very supportive, but I find some friends quite negative. One comment was, 'If your going to be a doctor, I'm not going to let you operate on me,' and 'You're always studying. Where will that get you?' Am I being too sensitive? I'm finding that I'm keeping to myself but when I'm with fellow PhDers I'm in heaven. Carol Anne has been a life saver. Best of all, in spite of the odd doona day, I'm thoroughly enjoying the PhD journey.

I concur with the comments about this - I just find it interesting that what we are doing is so mysterious to others, they dont know how to interpret what we are saying.  I see their eyes start to glaze and then I start to stammer and hurry up and trivialise, because after all, this is such a consuming part of my life, I feel I have to explain what I'm doing before I can tell them how it's doing. But really, answering with any more than an "OK thanks" is a real conversation stopper.

I think it is akin to the old gem, "how are you?" Everyone asks, but no one really wants to know.

Judging by the recent posts, we all need a good morale lift from like minded and misunderstood students. I love Susan's bio where she says, "next time when I grow up I want to make some money" ( excuse paraphrase). Just be reassured, Susan that I haven't actullay made that transition to grown up in this life time yet. Hopefully a PhD will be a marker of this and allow me to earn money and live like a normal person for the last years  of my life. Then I will cope better with the galzed over eyes, as they all understand money and careers, if not the value of what we do.

See you in Sydney?

I was often asked 'how's your degree going?' as if it was my daughter's Tomagutchi or something. I often replied "The sex is fantastic!" and far too often the asker would say 'that's great...' then move on. Occasionally they would pick up on the fact I had just used the 's' word and query that, at which I would either make up a load of BS or actually discuss the degree.

I am applying to do a PhD next year or as soon as supervisors become available via Swinburne... unless there are other Writing PhDs out there to be had?  Cheers Perry